As Valentine’s Day approaches, we often focus on grand gestures, perfect plans, and meeting expectations. But love isn’t just about one day—it’s about the daily rituals, the small choices we make to show kindness to ourselves and those around us.
This week, we invite you to Turn On the Love by practicing intentional self-love, partner love, and family love. But first, let’s talk about one of the biggest barriers to love: “shoulding” all over yourself and others.
Stop “Should-ing” All Over Yourself (and Others)
When we tell ourselves, “I should be better at this,” or “I should feel differently,” or "I should have..." we’re layering judgment on top of whatever we’re already experiencing. This creates shame and disconnects us from self-compassion. It’s like saying, “At least you have…” when someone shares a personal disappointment with us—it invalidates the experience rather than acknowledging it.
In relationships, “should” statements can be just as harmful:
• “My partner should know what I need without me saying it.”
• “My kids should be more grateful.”
These expectations can create resentment and distance. But when we replace should with could, we open up possibilities and invite curiosity:
• “I could let my partner know what I need today.”
• “I could appreciate the small ways my children show love.”
As Brene Brown highlights in her video on empathetic listening, true connection comes from meeting others (and ourselves) where we are—not where we should be.
Create Valentine Rituals: Turn On the Love Daily
This week, create simple, meaningful rituals that bring love into everyday moments. Each day leading up to Valentine’s Day, ask yourself:
1. Self-love: What can I appreciate about myself today? Maybe it’s your resilience, your creativity, or just making it through a tough moment. Acknowledge it. Say it out loud or write it down.
2. Partner Love: What can I love or thank my partner for today? It doesn’t have to be big. Maybe they made you coffee, listened to you vent, or shared a laugh with you. Let them know you noticed.
3. Family Love: What can I appreciate about my children or family today? Perhaps it’s their curiosity, their hugs, or even how they challenge you to grow. Share it with them in a note, a text, or a simple conversation.
These daily rituals aren’t about perfection; they’re about presence. They remind us that love isn’t a should—it’s a could.
It’s something we choose to turn on, one day at a time.
This Valentine’s Day, let go of the expectations and judgments. Embrace possibility, gratitude, and connection. Turn on the love—for yourself, your partner, and your family.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
MHCG
Written by: Jennifer West, M.S, LPC, MHC Sugarland
Commentaires